During the mid 90's I experienced an interesting road trip involving four distinct screams, the fourth occurring approximately two minutes before my final performance of the tour, which also happened to be the night before Halloween. My memory is vague as to where any of these events occurred and exactly what year, but I do know they happened because I recorded them all in my journal.

Scream 1

In the middle of one of my first performances of the tour, the concert promoter approached the stage with a wicked grin on his face as he handed me a piece of paper. Somewhat startled, I reached down for the paper and he winked at me and said, "You're gonna love reading this one." Thinking it was a request, which I suppose it was, I addressed the audience and read "Excuse me ladies and gentleman, a car with license plate number ### ### is on fire in the parking lot." There was about a three-second pause, a scream from the audience, some rustling around, and then for me- it was simply back to business. Plunkity- plunk.

Scream 2

Midway through the tour I had the beginnings of a cold and in a stupendous effort to thwart off the germs, I boiled some chicken noodle soup in my hotel room one morning just prior to checkout. The only container I had in my possession was a large coffee mug with a lid that had a tiny hole in the top. As I cruised down the highway drinking my soup through the tiny hole, I suddenly realized I was out of broth. I needed the chicken and noodles now, but they obviously could not make their way through that tiny hole. Still driving, I took the lid off and started tapping the contents of the upended mug into my mouth.

At this point someone drove by slowly on my left and looked in my direction. (I hate it when people do that, although I do it too). The instant before he looked, all the chicken and noodles clumped directly onto my face. So he looked at me, I looked at him, and apparently he saw the 'Incredible Noodle-Faced Man' driving at 65mph next to him. Now, I didn't actually hear the scream but I did see his face go, "Aaahhh - ahhhh!!" as he sped up and drove out of sight. What I learned that day is that, if you are wearing a face full of noodles, you will get your own road room.

Scream 3

Between Noodle Day and Pumpkin Day (Scream 4), I had Coffee Scream Day. This was my day to scream. I had been driving for quite awhile on this particular tour, hadn't slept well, and still fended off my cold. Apparently, noodles on the face is a cure. One early morning, I pulled off the road and staggered into a convenience store for my first cup of java. I was still feeling like death spread on a cracker and no two hairs on my head were pointing in the same direction. I made my way to the store's coffee area, which was distinguished by a large banner that displayed the words, "The Jitters," and proceeded to 'pour a cup'. Directly in front of me was a mural-size mirror, which I hadn't yet noticed. I was still so out of it that when I looked up I thought for about a full three or four seconds that there was someone in the place who looked exactly like me and I let out a maniacal scream. There was a line behind me, I had effectively awakened myself with the scream (and probably everyone around me); So, I simply set the coffee cup down and left.

Scream 4: The Night of the Living Pumpkin Head

My final date of the tour was in a terrific concert hall and the promoter for the event had gone all-out and packed the auditorium. The problem for me was that I had started coming down with that cold again. Hiding in the backstage area and trying to catch a little catnap prior to the show, I slumped onto an old dilapidated couch. The room was filled with an abundance of stage props for the theatre, particularly Halloween-related items as there was a play scheduled in the hall for the following night.

Odd reflections emanated from a small window near the top of the dressing room and blinded me as I tried to rest. I just couldn't find a position on the couch to avoid the rays of the setting sun, until I noticed a plastic pumpkin head sitting on a tabletop. I put it on as a sleep aid and since it effectively blocked the rays I nuzzled into the couch on my back and passed out. I'm not sure how much time had gone by but I heard a distant voice followed by loud applause. I twitched a little and went back to dream research. I heard the voice again, the applause, then silence. Someone wandered backstage and through the slits in the pumpkin head I noticed that it was the promoter- apparently looking for me. It was dark backstage at this point and I realized he had just introduced me, so I panicked, bolted upright with arms a-flailin' and yelled, "OVER HERE!!"

The promoter saw the crazed pumpkin man and let out a scream the likes of which had not been heard since the beginning of time. I simply took off my head, grabbed my guitars, and sauntered out on stage smiling away. The perplexed audience apparently saw the promoter walk backstage, heard a bloodcurdling scream, and then out comes Smiley Boy, the guitar player! Later that evening I was paid by the soundman. The promoter had gone home ill.

Photo by Masterpiece

Richard Gilewitz toured New Zealand for three weeks in September and looks forward to a November foray to Ireland. To learn more about this internationally acclaimed acoustic guitarist, see his website at www.richardgilewitz.com.